Have truly been a slacker.

Wow. I haven't been very productive. My diet has been good one day, semi bad the next...(and a couple of days, REALLY bad)....my exercise habits have been haphazard as well. As of day before yesterday, my weight has been about the same. I should be thankful that I haven't gained! Today, I really have to get back on track. So far, I have eaten only a peach and part of an overly ripe pear. Of course I have been mainlining coffee (with skim milk and splenda) all day though. But I haven't done anything "bad". And since it IS Monday, I really should be in "work" mode. Everyone else in the house is out and about working hard.

Speaking of everyone else, my son has been pretty good, he is at the end of his punishment....only thing left is no one can sleep over here. He can go to other's homes, but no big sleep overs here. In a few weeks it will be "pee in a cup" time. I really am not looking forward to it. On one level, I know that the whole thing will be embarassing for him, and us. But also, I fear that he will fail. I really don't think that he will....but the chance is there and if he does we will have to come down very hard on him and I hate that.

Daughter and I have been getting along well lately. I have made a decision to keep an arms length with her and not get into little arguments. If she gets rude or mean in any way, I will completely withdraw. But so far, no problems. Maybe just making the decision was all I had to do to change things. That is good, cause I hate all of the conflict with her.

Husband is wonderful. We had a great weekend together. Lots of laughing and time together. And other types of fun too. Never wanted to watch the movie "Jackass" before, but it was hilarious....funniest thing I have ever seen.....well, we were already pretty giggly before the movie.. =)

Slowgoing

Seemed to hit a plateau. Not loosing anymore. Hovering right around 183/184. Been eating pretty healthy and exercising (1 hour of aerobic activity) almost every day. I really want this one to last, so I am trying not to be too nazi about it. But if what I am doing isn't working...then I guess I will have to do more. I think the biggest problem is that I need to get up and move around more. I am exercising but the rest of the day, I am pretty lazy. Maybe I need more fun things to do. If I have something fun to do, maybe I won't be tempted to watch tv or nap. (I love to nap.)

Want to strangle and at the same time, hug my 15 year old. Found pot this week. We can't be too hard, cause we certainly tried it when we were kids. But at the same time, there are some more dangerous drugs out there these days and we need to stop it now. Unfortunately, we are going to start drug testing him on a regular basis. Bummer. For us and him. I don't like that he will be humiliated and I don't like being the one to do it. Oh well.... being a parent isn't and easy job.

The other kid is just as infuriating. (She is 21.) Yelled at me until I and my husband quit smoking, then a month later told me that if either my husband or I started smoking again, she would cut off communication with both of us. She does not want me to tell her how to live her life, but she is so quick to tell others how to live. She thinks that as long as the other person is CLEARLY doing wrong, that it is her obligation to MAKE them change. I do wish she would grow up a little more. Again, being a parent isn't an easy job. Even once they are grown. In some ways it is even more difficult.

Feeling GOOD!

Well So Far So GOOD!!

I am down from 200lbs to ~183lbs. Yeah! Been eating healthy (except for Saturday nights when I have a really bad treat), exercising (using Wii Fit, walking on the Nordic track, and using a Precor machine). Wow, I never realized that I use so many brand names in my fitness routine. I am feeling pretty good too! Clothes are more comfortable...hugging (and...) my husband is noticably more comfortable. WOW! It was a good week!

Why, How, When, Where, Who

Lately I have been feeling like I need to talk. Not to anyone in particular....just need to talk about me and my experiences. I would like to record my progress in things as well as my failures....I guess I want to get to know myself and learn to appreciate the good and let go of (at least some) of the bad. I thought about a journal....but that seems like a waist of time really. I am not writing so that I can keep a record and I certainly don't want anyone else to read it, now or after I die. Now that leaves a question. Why put my most private thoughts on the internet? First of all, my private thoughts are really quite boring and I cannot imagine anyone wanting to read them (with the possible exception of my kids or husband), second, I think that the idea that someone out there could possibly read my thoughts and find some common ground in them is a comforting thought. Ok...enough about the why's...

Now the how's - I want to say right up front (to myself I guess) that I am accepting my bad spelling, bad grammar, run on sentences, rambling ect... I don't care and that's that!

Next...well, while we are on a roll, lets move on to the when's.... whenever. Maybe when I want to rave about my irritation with my kids, husband, mom, siblings, in-laws...oh and most of all myself. I am hoping to write, at least a little, every day, however, I never seem to do anything consistantly...so I don't know.

Just thinking...I hope that this blog doesn't automatically tell me how many people have looked at this blog...because I will see that no one reads it...and that will reinforce my thoughts about how obsurd it is to write a blog that no one reads....and before you know it I will have quit.

Ok, back to....where...well thanks to our insurance company (long story)..I can pretty much do this anywhere because I have a new mac book pro... :-)

Whats left..when where how why....oh yeah, lol, WHO!! That's pretty funny. I didn't plan that at all! I am a fourty two year old female mother of two who has been married for twenty one years.

I am overweight (although I have lost 13 lbs in the last 2 weeks), and until very recently have had a horrible diet. Both of these factors have left me feeling physically and mentally horrible. I am beginning to feel a little better....I think. But I look forward to the day when I feel alot better. I really feel like my eating is like an addiction...I have to constantly fight it...to remind myself that I need to eat healthy in order to achieve the health and body that I want. I worry that if I eat TOO healthy, I will be depriving myself and that I will not stick to this long term. I also don't want to eat too little and lower my metabolism to the point where I can't lose the weight. But, if I eat a little bit of the food I love (my current favorite "bad" food is Ike and Sams Cheddar Kettlecorn.....and btw it doesn't help when I find it lurking there in my local healthfood store! It is NOT a healthfood!) I may be more likely to think of it more often, and eventually give in to the constant nagging craving. I don't know... I guess I should say that I have struggled with my weight since my early twenties (a couple of years after the birth of my first child.). I am a classic yoyo 'er. I get to my heaviest...eat healthy, exersise...lose it all...then within a year or two gain back all and a little more. My recent heaviest was 200 - I may have gotten heavier, but that is what it was when I weighed in. I am only 5'4 1/2" so 200 lbs. looks like 200 lbs. I have been wearing an 18 (on the rare occasion that I did purchase clothing for myself, if an 18 was too tight...I gave up....so in actuality I was probably a 20.)

I know that my husband loves me. But I also know that he is and always has been attracted to women who are physically fit. I don't think that he would ever leave me because of my weight...and I don't believe that he would ever get into a relationship with another woman....I do believe that most if not all men are somewhat ...well...how to say...they are weak....they allow their hormones to make decsions for them. Anyone who reads the newspaper or watches CNN can see how many politicians have gotten in trouble in that department. I doubt that many of them actually thought out what they were doing logically. No one would put that much on the line. These men are losing not only their wives/family but also their careers. Gary Heart....theres a good one. Ok, well my point. I trust Dan, but I am not naive enough to believe it couldn't happen to me.

So...Every day I need to review the pro's of this raw veggie, healthy eating, water drinking, exercising, pain and sweat...

FEELING GOOD

GETTING STRONG

HAVING ENERGY

LOOKING GOOD

BETTER SEX

CLOTHES WILL BE FUN AGAIN

BEING HEALTHY AGAIN

Ok so today I am re inspired to do this thing! Maybe this blog thing is a good idea.